Ever been cheated on?
I have,and boy does it hurt!
Here's some keys to survive it.
Ask Questions
You may need all the factual details of the affair. How they met? When did they meet? How often did they meet? How long was the affair? How many times did they meet? How much money they spent? And so on. Getting answers to all your questions may shift your perception about why your partner did what they did. It may shed some light on the hidden weakness in your marriage.
Control Your Rage Before While Getting Information
It is natural to want to cry, scream and lash out, but emotions may prevent your partner from divulging all the necessary details of the infidelity. The full disclosure required to lead to the surviving of infidelity may be compromised. It is important to try to hold yourself together to get to the bottom of the truth. The only way your partner will reveal everything is if you don't lash out every time you have the talk. Some partners who have had affairs are too afraid to tell the other person everything because they are suspect the downward spiral of emotions will lead to a huge fight.
Talk About How Infidelity Has Impacted You
Talk about your feelings. Make sure you don't leave anything out. Any doubts, feelings of abandonment and betrayal, sadness, anger, disappointment about surviving infidelity should be discussed. As you lay all your cards on the table, it allows your partner to build a wall between their former lover and themselves. It opens up a window of opportunity for the two of you to work things out.
Don't Forget or Forgive Easily
Do not let something so major slide easily. Understand and acknowledge your pain and anger. Take time to rebuild the trust before you genuinely forgive your partner.
Look For Support
Reconnect with your friends and family and join a support group if needed. You will feel less isolated and lonely while surviving infidelity.
Spend Time with Your Partner To Heal
Go back in time and remember all the things you two enjoyed doing as a couple. Reconnect as friends and then romantic partners in healing together and moving past the infidelity. It will not happen overnight. You will have to give you partner some time and space to make it up to you and rebuild the trust. However, when the opportunity arises, spending time together without discussing the affair will make the process a lot easier.
Forgive When Ready
Don't get pressured by your partner or anyone else to forgive and forget if you are not truly ready. Otherwise, you will never forget the affair and painful memories attached to it. However, after taking time off and dealing with the hurt, you must forgive your partner even if you decide to part ways. Forgiveness allows us to move past our pain and helps us move on without any bitterness and negativity.
I've got a wonderful book on surviving infidelity.
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